Matter So Much to Me...

...that I'll stay up late on the phone with you
...that I'd write you letters all week
...that I'll answer whenever you call
...that I'd drop my books for you
...that I'll worry about you all day
...that I'd bolt from my seat at the bell to see you
...that I'll rush to locker after locker to meet up with you
...that I'd glare at your enemies as they pass by
...that I'll dedicate songs to you
...that I'd dream dreams for you
...that I'll text you all day
...that I'd offer to tutor you anytime
...that I'll stand in the rain with you

Letters are the way in which I want to form that strong bond and establish myself in the lives of others. But now, I'm starting to learn that I don't matter to every single person as much as they matter to me. In light of recent events, I'm searching for my own happiness, only the important people that matter are going to be the ones in which I matter to them,too. I want to strengthen my bond with those that I matter too, hence the letters. I've written Camille a trillion letters just this week, and that'll continue on. Theresa's gotten a bunch of mini notes, too. And other people around me, as well, all in the hopes of making the bond stronger.

Sometimes, AP and honors gets out of hand. 5 weighted classes deals me a lot of work, work that I put first, before all else, my health even. But there are a few people in this world that I would stop studying for if they called :Camille, Theresa, and Caitlin, for sure. I'm never too busy doing work if my phone rings and it's one of these three.

There are times in the day when I do go out of my way to see people, just to greet them. It's habitual for me now: ok I should go here because so and so walks past it after this period and I can say hello. And then I'd hurry from my class to catch them,because I want these people to be important.

I protect these people, and I do that in so many ways.Someone like me dislikes direct confrontation, being the pacifist that I am. And so, I normally protect my close friends from themselves, for the inner monster is a terrible beast at times, and nothing is more ravaging than the soul itself. It knows our weaknesses, it is them. It can prey upon us when left unchecked and allowed to fester within our hearts. I transcend myself for other people if they truly matter to me, and I then find myself doing that which I would never.

When you matter to me and I can't stop thinking of your impact in my life, you weave your way into my sleeping thoughts and into my dreams, as well. It might be because we speak all day, via voice or text or whatnot. Either way, when you matter to me, you always do, awake or asleep.

Proof:
Yesterday I had a major final to study for: AP. As well as honors math and spanish. In the flurry of all this, I was still texting: Theresa. And Camille called, so I definitely answered that. And she really needed me, so the books were postponed and we dealt with it. I didn't study again until I felt that she fine. But all the while, I still worried. And I worried about Caitlin, whom I haven't seen all week.

After Morality, I rush to see Camille, and then off to Ronnel's locker every period or so to greet him and everyone in 200. I do offer to tutor my friends that matter, now just them, because they are worth my time...not everyone who uses me, just them.

Camille knows who I glare at.
Camille knows about what dreams go down.

The rain one, ahaha. Today, finals ended! And it rained and it was half day.
After school, the library was locked and so I went to the back to the lunch area and ran into Kuya Alex. While he was eating, I asked if he checked the AP results. He nearly choked on his sandwhich at the news and crumbs splayed as he asked me to go with him. Through the rain we went to the 200 wing to check. On the way back, Gabriel and Don were walking across the place when they saw me walking in that direction and waited. For about 15 or 20 minutes, the three of us were in the drizzle just talking ahaha. Wow, I better not get any more sick than I am now for doing that hahaha. But yes, if people matter to me, then I'd walk through rain with them to check their AP scores or I would stay in the drizzle to talk .