Hanging on by More than a Fine Thread

I got this, I know I do.
For once in my life, I really feel like I have full control of something in my life. It's not everything, because my whole life is too big, but it's a part of my life that only I make the choices in.

I'm choosing my friends. I'm making the choice there and it's up to me to make them. No more shyness. And if there are people that I know are just using me, well goodbye to you! That's all there is to it, no more feeling guilty when I don't need to be or shouldering expenses of strangers just so that I can make their lives easier. The people that I'm going to leave in my life are the ones that deserve to be there. Yes, there is a standard now, I'm making one and sticking to it. No more shall I waste time in the needs of every little person. I'm only catering to the needs of those that matter to me, that's it!

I'm going first sometimes. I can't remember a time in my life where I did that. Camille was consoling me on Friday while I was crying and referred to the song, "If I were a boy" and said that there was one line I needed to live by. "I would put myself first"....Doing this is going to make me feel stronger, I know, and that's really how I need to live. Strong.

And no more wallowing in the past or worrying about the future, I'll worry about the now. This time I have won't last forever, and things won't always be this way. SO I say the heck with change! It'll happen regardless, so I'll just go with the flow and love it all throughout.
The people I let go of are people that I let go. And they aren't coming back. It's that simple now that it bugs me how I once saw it so complicated. If you see obstacles as hills and mountains, I'm at that point where I've gone over the apex and down the other side, and am just looking back at that faraway obstacle fading into the distace and thinking Wow, you weren't so big after all!

I'm no longer hanging on a fine thread. I've made myself so much stronger, I can finally see that. I mean, I'm talking to so many people now! And I'm making new friends all the time now! All by myself. You know that there aren't anymore barriers when you're good friends with most of the school transfers :) I'm far from perfection, we all are. And that's cool with me. Happiness? I've got that in bundles, they just go away sometimes. But they're never gone for forever. I'm feeling the sunshine rays of happiness settling in through the darkness of stress and I know that I'll be just fine.

My emotional state has gotten stronger, I think I can take a little more than I used to be able to. I'm stronger.