Hit Hard

Either you go for it and do your best, or you falter and fail. That's the way things are for most people. For me, it was always be perfect and failure is anything otherwise. I was raised like a machine.
But my mother had a change of heart after seeing what she wanted was too hard and was eating away at me, slowly. The rebellion that she had always been warned about but never believed in wasn't happening. I would never rebel. Instead of hurting her when her expectations got too much, I ended up hurting myself internally. I let it all get to me for years without anything until it all just burst and got sent away.
I wrote letters to feel better. I reached out to those that I really found I could cling to if they would let me burden them. I was so scared to lose everyone if I failed in the standards set before me.
But I think that things are all right now, my mother said she's seen what she's done wrong and promises to loosen up and learn to watch me grow up. I know that it's hard for her though. For me,too,maybe.

The point is, now I can go at it with all I've got without worrying if it's perfect. I'm accustomed to that, but if it isn't, I don't have to worry anymore. I can be human...I can be flawed and still be wanted and love. What a wonderful existence unfolds before me...