Lost Words

Words left upspoken are painful. If there was a way to say the words that I harbor in my heart, then I would do it. But I didn't when I could. And I did that with reason, to save a friendship. But it turns out that it would break anyways, and well, maybe I should have spoken up in the first place. Bonds broke, and since they were regardless, then maybe I should have made the most of it and told her everything that I felt. Maybe I wouldn't harbor the leftover fragments from that shattered friendship if I had spoken my mind aloud to her clearly. Well, I didn't. I was the coward once more and now I alone am left hurting.
Well, Liezl...maybe that's what destiny is meant to turn out to be. Well, Liezl...I won't lie. I'm sad that it's been so long since you and I have spoken; my heart longs to be at peace with you. I miss everything, but I won't forget it all either.i know the sadness and the darkness that you harbor in your heart. Who doesn't have that? No human is exempt from it.
But I know the nature of the beast that dwells within that darkness, I know it's face and personality. It is a harbored disgust for me, isn't it? That's why you don't discuss me, and that's why you never look me in the eyes or even look up when we walk past one another. I'll never forget that first morning when that happened. I stopped to turn and look back at you, pain in my heart, and you just kept on going. That showed me what it was, you moved on without any time at all. But I'm still here, always wallowing in that sad memory.
It's where my weakness lies, in not being able to move on.
But maybe, you haven't either. How foolish of me to consider that a mere glimmer of hope!
I'm still present in that one sole blog post of yours; and i know you edited it, i know it. Why didn't you remove my name? Do you still miss me? Is there still a small recess in your heart, one you've been repressing, that can find its way to seek after me again? You know, it's foolish of me to want to mend things when I know what it will just hurt me. But, what can I say, i must be a mindless drone that seeks nothing but what she feels whim will suffice with. How much more of a paradox can I be?
Yes, I do believe that I have failed. Why?
Because I promised, I resolved, long ago to move on. But now I see, I will not be able to move on until all is said. Well, she won't listen to me, but I'll find ways. And once I do, my heart and mind should be at peace. But truly, I miss the way things were. no, I wish the way they were could somehow be transcribed onto how it is now. I know it's not possible though, since I wouldn't end up here. Do I like it better here? I always enjoy progress. Do I miss the past? I always look back fondly.
So it's hard to say. I just know, I never spoke up