In Dire Need...

...of survival.
Nothing more than that can contain me now.
Perhaps all this is in my head, and that it's all my fault.

But I've had enough. I had better things to do and he called me to him. He outlined what made him so irate with the grade. I didn't care anymore, I wouldn't look at him. I yelled at him that I had to be somewhere else and that I really didn't care anymore. He got even angrier and disputed my anger as out of place. I called him out for it, because it wasn't fair that he always gets angry when I get a bad grade, and that hardly ever happens anyway. It was long winded and pointless.
We argued fiercely, that which I never do. I yelled right back because he was wrong. All the things he said, the way that he treated me, it was hurting me. I am merely human , you can not expect perfection. And you say that you don't. You lie!!! Why can't I make mistakes then?
What kind of father are you? You say that when a child makes mistakes, the parents have the right to be angry. No.
When a child makes a mistake, the parent is not supposed to be happy, but the parent must accept that and help the child grow. You do nothing by condemning your child. You do nothing but kill your child's soul. How many times we went in circles, yelling at one another until mom had to come upstairs and tell you to leave me alone because I still had my wound to tend to.
But you, you are a cruel and relentless soul and you are terrible. You wouldn't let me go. So she took me and you came after her and threatened her and Angelyn. So I yielded, and clung to that open bathroom door as you yelled at her and threatened her on the stairs and came back up to yell at me and glare at me. And there. It was there that I knew pain.
My entire face grew numb and tingled, and then my heart...my heart grew numb as the sobs I heaved began to cause my chest to cave in. I could feel nothing as I gasped for air and you went on yelling at me. And I was so scared. I don't know of what, but that I was just scared. Scared out of my mind.But I held it in. I wanted to yell at you to leave me alone, but I didn't have the strength for it. I was clinging onto that door for dear life.
And then, I yelled for mom telling her between gasps and sobs that I was numb in the face and heart and that I couldn't breathe. She took me downstairs, but I sat at those stairs choking on the water Angelyn gave me and then my mother rushed me downstairs away from him.
But he went after us. He wanted to speak to my mother. In harsh tones, he summoned her like a dog to its accursed abusive master and she resisted. She fled to the kitchen saying that she had to cook. He went after her and I heard struggling and Angleyn started crying and screaming at him to leave her alone. I was in the downstairs bathroom calming down when my spasms got worse when I heard her screaming. And there was so much resistance and he threatened to hurt Angelyn and mom if they didn't comply. I couldn't stand it. My sobs got louder until I was wailing and I could barely stand.
I could hear him yelling at her and slamming his hand against the wall to scare her. I couldn't take it. Angelyn and I sobbed in the bathroom. I called Lola, but she could barely understand me because I still couldn't breathe.
Apparently, he says that if anyone has a right to be angry, it's him because he's the damn parent. Well, take that and shove it down your throat!!!!!!!
I hate his damn analogies! They're stupid. I don't relate. No. You no longer make sense to me because I no longer want to listen. I will no longer humor you. I've really had enough. From now on, when you speak to me, you're going to deal with a whole other person. From now on, I am going to dispute anything wrong that you tell me. From now on, I am going to talk back to you and only you, and it will be deliberate now. From now on, I will never look you in the eyes. From now on, you cease being my father and I your daughter. And when the day comes that you realize how I chose to break this link, I will not let you forget this incident in which you almost let me die or the incident where you told me that I deserved the pain when I had been scared out of my mind of surgery.

God, please, help me. God, please. I need you, please, God, please. I don't want anymore pain. I know that's not possible, but please God, please. I think this is my limit. Please, God, please.
I don't know why, but I didn't want to go to the hospital.
Please, God, please. Mom can't take much more. Lolo is with you now, please, God, please.
What does mom do? Please, God, please. That divorce. I'm sorry, but please?
God, please, please. I'm so scared.
I've been crying for almost 2 hours straight.
God, please. Please.