Farewell Lolo

Well, this is it. The final leg of your journey.

You don't have to suffer anymore pain now, but we'll miss you so much.

I still remember the day I first met you...I was so young and didn't understand why you had been in the Philippines for so long. You arrived with Tatay Rick and I gazed up at you in wonder.

You had always been an unreal figure to me. The only grandfather that I had was in a photograph, smiling up at me...I'd write you trite little letters with phrases from a six year old mind and although you never wrote back, I was told you loved me.

There were photos of my younger years when I supposedly visited you. That small child you hed, that was me, i was told.

And then you became a part of my life, a tangible part of it.

I saw you everyday. Good morning every waking and good night every rest.

It became the cycle of my days for all my life afterwards.

Even when you and lola and Chee moved out, it was still the same. I saw you everyday after school. You dropped me off, you picked me up. Always clunking along with your cane and that grumble that you always did. And you never complained about it.

I still remember the way you always called out to Angelyn and started calling her Piggy so fondly. I know how much you loved her. Having her on your lap, falling asleep there, no matter how heavy she was. I remember how resilient you were to her, you were her Super-Lolo, the only one who could carry her out of the car to the hospital when she couldn't moveThat's what you were :invincible.

That image of you laying motionless with eyes wide and mouth agape, that isn't you. It's  shadow of yourself.

The real you was always standing and always had Angelyn with him. She was always by your side. She would wake you up and you'd get up with a smile on your face only if it was her. You would get up and change and she would fall asleep on your bed with Pussy-cat...remember? And you would come back to find her 'asleep' and you would hide him somewhere and she could get up and pretend to cry and you'd laugh and bring it back and she'd fall over, hugging you tightly.

Or how you would sit on that chair beside your bed and she would jump onto your lap and how you would grunt and laugh it all away. .

Or how you would always tease her when she ate, but was always glad because she would always eat with you..

Lolo, I'm to miss you so much now.

You're going to miss so much.

If only you hadn't been sick during the Barkada show, I know you would have been so happy to see that.

Whenever I did something, you were always so happy. My awards and Angelyn's awards always made you smile and so proud...you always could boast. 

I wish that you could have seen me graduate from high school. I really wish i could have seen you smiling when that happens. or at the very least, i wish Angelyn could have seen you smiling at her while she graduated and got her awards.That would have made her so happy. I would have given up my night for just one of hers. She loved you so much.

When the ambulance took you away that day, she almost fainted.

We ran out into the street and up the stairs and saw you.

You were on the floor and there were so many paramedics around you. 

Angelyn screamed and no one could calm her down for a while.

She worried all the time and wouldn't let anyone console

She wanted to visit you so much, but she was too young to be allowed in

I wish she got to...she loved you so much 

All the letters she wrote and all the drawings, they were all for you

She didn't get to go today, and I pushed so hard for it

i wish she had been allowed in

I don't know why today, mom said maybe you were just waiting for me?

But no, that isn't it. What about Angelyn? You should have been waiting for her, not me.

She loved you so much, Lolo, and she was the only one who never got to visit you.

That's so unfair

He had no finesse.

"Maryanne, go with Angelyn and pray for Lolo"

"Why?"

"Because, he's gone"

I yelled in confusion but i knew. When i went up and told Angelyn that Lolo died, she was watching Wizards of Waverly Place.

She buried her face in her hands and then had a fit of tears and screaming. I hugged her and called Camille in my tears. She could hear Angelyn's screams.

Then Kuya called and I told him.

I texted Gabriel and Cara first.

And then everyone else that knew or i felt would care.

All the while, Angelyn screamed.

We'll miss you, Lolo. We love you so much!