Irritations

Life, as I've stated before, is a complex journey full of twists and turns and good and bad people. Right now, I'm fine, really I am. I absolutely love all that goes on in my life right now. Only, there are so many small little things that keep trying to get me down I guess.
Liezl keeps popping back into my life in small ways, and I really do wish it was all gone with her. It's over, I know that. The storm has passed, and this is the calm after that. Not the calm before the storm, but the calm after it. I've had enough emotional whirlwinds with her as the root cause. But, she's still there. Being a dark cloud on a wonderful day of mine. I keep seeing her around, and I hate how carefree she is now. Restraint, I've got it in droves. I can control myself well enough to not act upon it, but it's always obvious that it takes a lot for me to keep myself calm. Camille always knows when I struggle with my past, because it shows so clearly in my face that I'm suffering to contain it.
Truthfully, I'm sick of always being the bigger person. The one who controls herself and acts maturely. Maybe, just once, I'd like to break these bonds and just scream my heart out and make a scene. But that's unbecoming, and the mere thought of it makes me shrink back. I'm not growing, but I'm not going backwards either. I'm not frozen. I don't know what it is, but I need to get past this.
Maybe, I could have found closure sooner. Wilson resolved to see how she would react to having me mentioned in front of her. He was about to, when a girl in thier class stopped him. She knew me, I guess we were close during freshman year, but I don't even see her anymore. I was so angry when I heard about it. She...meddled! She told them that it would make Liezl angry. Well, how does she know! What was her business in that? I'm so upset that people think they understand me and try to make decisions on my behalf. This is insanity.
I know it's probably because they think they care, and that this entire tirade is nothing more than typical of my age. "Ohhhh, no one understands you." Well, allow me to subject myself to the norm for once! I wanted to know what would happen, and now I don't know. I'm upset at this small turn of events and she doesn't even know the ramifications that it's caused.
I don't mind the concern, the girl was probably just concerned. I know. It's just that when it comes to Liezl, things always get complicated. Even now, it's still a hard topic for me.