Where Do Things Go Now?

"Did I make it that easy, to walk right in and out of my life?"

That line is from the song "Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy, and although I can't relate to every little thing in it, there is a lot that struck me when I finally heard all of it.

Part I. Well, that line made me sad because it reminded me so much of what had happened with Liezl. There was another line, as well, "I never want to see you unhappy.I thought you'd want the same for me". I had always made her my top priority and after something so stupid, she decided that all our friendship wasn't worth it. I tried to salvage things, and I wasn't even angy, just curious at why she did what she did, and yet she changed things around. And then she said some of the meanest things ever, she became a monster that I didn't recognize anymore. And now, she looks so happy, and yet I can't get over it. Sometimes, I just start crying spontaneously at home because...I'm sad. Not because I lost her, no she was beyond my scope of understanding now, but because things changed so much and she didn't even care. It makes me feel so unnecessary. I'm in this mindset where, I need everyone in my life now, always and forever. I am dependent upon everyone to keep me sane. If I lose just one person, I fall apart. And yet it seems to me that if I am gone, no one would fall apart and break down at that loss. It just seems to me that no one is dependent on me, since she easily walked right out of my life. Was it really that easy to forget about me?

Part II. All right, so(name removed by me, revealed if you ask maybe. He was the first guy that I did like to some degree that I worked up the nerve to actually speak to and go up and meet.I don't know, but it just makes me sad to see how things turned out. All right,I'll admit, it was incredible at how things started, I guess. We were texting the first weekend after we met and bonded and he started flirting with me, which was new for me. But yeah, we got close and like, best friends? I don't know. He'd call every Sunday night and just be so random, and every morning his phone would "accidently" call me before he got to school. He'd text me until one in the morning, saying things that I wasn't used to hearing and they were sweet, I guess. All our friends thought we'd be cute together, but I definitely didn't want to rush anything, I didn't know him that well no matter how close we were. I didn't want to jump headfirst into some form of a closer relationship until I found flaws. Why? Because, if you don't see flaws, you think that they're perfect. And that means you aren't thinking straight. I wanted to be aware. I found flaws, and I still didn't do anything more than that. And then he just drifted away, suddenly. I guess some of the people around us were being too hostile to him, maybe they blamed him? Maybe he blamed himself when he found out about Liezl? I don't know, but he went away. That made me sad, I knew I didn't like him like that, but he was like a best friend, and he was gone. Every once in a while I'd run into him, and he'd hug me, and not let go for a long time. It was odd.

I don't know what I want though. I don't like him like that and I just don't know anymore. It just makes me sad how I lost a friend. Was it really that easy to do that? Yes, we talk still, and I'm the first girl in his top, but is that it? Are we just far-off friends now? Was it that easy to demote yourself from my life? I hate it when people go, even worse when I lose them. Gosh, it makes me feel like velcro, you know. Easy to be removed without a trace, like I wasn't even there. Well, that's all.