I'm not Being Liberated After All

I don't think that I ever was going. But I just believed in it, hoped in it, because it would hurt me terribly if I didn't have anything to hold on to. What would I do if there was nothing left for me to hold on to, to hope for? I'm barely hanging on as it is, and things are just getting worse. My mother isn't going to do it after all, we aren't moving out, and they aren't splitting. After everything that we had spoke about, all the points I brought up, and all the tears I shed were for nothing. Worse of all, she told my father everything.
I'm hurting right now, and I know that it's stupid. But I feel like I can't trust. Liezl hurt me. And now, my mother told my father everything. I thought we were both in this together. But what happened? Did she forget? Has she forgotten all that he's done? Has she? I just, I'm so hurt and I know that it's stupid to feel that way.

I want to go on hoping, but I know that it doesn't matter how hard I do,because it won't do anything. Things won't change. We're moving and he's coming with us.

The whole seeking perfect romance is still in my head, I want to find it and I know that it's impossible(Please see previous post.) I'm not making sense anymore, but it doesn't matter any longer. I'll do as I please and get lost trying.

I knew I shouldn't have dropped the mask.I always always always could hide things so well, not let people at school see what's wrong. But I dropped the facade for just a day and I never should have done that. I'm in trouble for it all over and it was stupid of me to involve others, push my troubles on them, and burden their lives.What I've done is unforgivable. And so, I humbly request your pardons, although I don't deserve them. I deserve nothing but scorn for being the creature that I am. Terrrible, terrible, creature.