Stuck in a Rut.

Normally,I don't mention current events and such,but I guess this post won't stray too much from the way that I usually do things.Only the topic is being affected,I suppose,but it will be a little vague.

Well,now. I'm the type of person who prefers to be in the swing of things,when things are at their highest. I like it when I'm used to the situation,but at the same time am enjoying where I am.I almost always enjoy where I am, either literally or metaphorically. As of now, I am content. At first, I thought that being content was enough. It is, for most things at any rate. There is one thing, or rather area of my life, that I would prefer to be not simply content. I want to be more than simply satisfied with the situation. I want it to be perfect.

There are a few things that I don't really believe in. Being more than satisfied,for one thing; and perfection,I don't normally believe that it can be achieved. But this particular subject has been bothering me for a while now,and it always seems to do things to me that nothing else can. It can drive me speechless. And there are hours on end when I do nothing but lie down because of it. This subject in particular keeps me up for hours at night, and then causes me to wake up. This is the one thing that has confused me for hours on end. Whenever I think that it's over,something changes it. Whenever I begin to lose hope,something happens that sparks my interests again. Whenever I think that I've gotten over it, there it is again.

This sort of behavior isn't destructive,I hope. I'm just very lost. I'm sure that it's trivial to most people,but it's one of the most decisive things in my life at the moment. That's all,well. It isn't just one of those small matters. It's really biting into me. It's the kind of thing that can seep into your soul and mark you forever.