I Don't Want To Be Selfish.

Mom, I really don't know what to do.

Yes, I want to. But how far am I willing to go? I'm not as strong as you think I am. I can't as easily as you can. Please, don't make me. I know you aren't, you're letting me choose. Choose for myself, for Angelyn, but most importantly for you. You're letting me decide the fate of everything. Why me...I know you just want me to be happy, but I can't take this pressure. 

If I choose what I want to go with, I know it will make you sad. I know you said you understand, but it will make you sad. It will make you cry. It will be hard on Angelyn and me too. But I'm not strong enough. 

If I choose what is the best way, I'll be sad. I can't take it. I can't stomach the guilt. I can't stomach losing. 

I don't want to be selfish. I don't. But I'm not strong enough. I can't be strong enough for all of us anymore. I've never more been at a loss for what to do.