Firmly Rooted (Thoughts)

Gone. 

That's the perfect word for it right now. 

That's the perfect word for everything right now. 

That's the perfect word for everyone right now. 

What is this precarious situation that I find myself in? What for and how come?

Well...where are you? And where am I? Where is anyone? WHY?

This is all spiraling in.

Where are you?

Why is he like that now?

Why did she not want to tell me?

Why the lies?

Where did he go?

When did she speak?

Where is the truth?

All these question because nothing no longer makes any sense! It's all falling apart around me. I can feel it. It's nothing short of terrible. And yet I don't know why. I don't know anything about anyone anymore, isn't it? Everything has been dashed and nothing is certain any longer. I'm caught in this spiral...going downwards. And all around me, everyone seems to be doing the same?? Maybe. But we're all going ways. Around one another, using the most evasive maneuvers possible, no one is understood. Actions remain veiled behind clouds of thought and false masks of formality that we put on. But I want to know! I'm concerned about you and your well-being.

1. Why are things different now? Things used to be so well and now you're so silent. Is something the matter? We're friends aren't we? Why is it that things have changed all of a sudden? Is something the matter? Perhaps it's a matter of what I have done. But I can't think of anything, although I know it can't be right. Something happened somewhere with someone. but where? With who? Which someone? Speak up. Will the answers ever be found? Can they ever be found even though you won't speak up. 

I'm trying to find out where things are going wrong, if they are. Why can we no longer be normal? I truly thought I'd done it this time...overcame my fear. And just when I thought I had, you become silent. I greet you, you greet me, a few trite words here and there, and then it's over. What happened to those long conversations that I relished? Where did your voice go? Why, oh, why, are you gone? Something in the wind carried you away..Because I can't feel you anymore. You're gone.

2. Something in the way that she said it. Something in her tone of voice. I just know it. 

I sat there with you two and listened and nothing came to mind. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. If I could bring up nothing then and there,then perhaps I never would again. What was I even doing there...it wasn't my place.It probably won't ever be. No matter how hard I try to, 3 is the number that conquers all. That's it. 

I know it's me as well. It's not just them, it's not just me. It's all of us. 

You're around me. Everyone is. 

They're there. But not there. 

I know I've been gone as well. Perhaps everything is entirely my fault. The answer to everything could simply be me. It must be that.

It's a lack on my behalf, and I fear it might be too late to fix it.

So are you all gone from me?

Or I from all of you?

My efforts wasted, my hopes dashed, I trudge on with a heavy heart.