It feels like we're all just sinking, again. I thought we were going up and up , you know?
Instead, Dad's wallowing in denial about his stroke. And I get it, part of it : feeling that you're in rut now, nothing to look forward to in terms of changing, your wife goes to work and your kids will have school, your kids will graduate and get married, and continue to have new life experiences but you feel stuck in a rut with days never changing because of this crippling incident. And Mom, you keep holding on to all of the financial woes and lack of solutions and taking all his anger and frustration about his condition. But stop taking it out on me, please.
Dad , stop speaking as if you're going to die. No one is going anywhere, stop it.
Mom, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about how you don't know where the rent money or angelyn's tuition will be coming from or even the debut deposit? I don't want to talk about it because talking about it changes nothing. It just makes me feel worse.
And...sorry if I need you so deeply, you know who you are. You probably won't even read this ever since you don't really keep track of my things. But still..I feel the need to say something to you somewhere, somehow. Maybe a sub concious part of your being will pick up on this clairvoyantly. Maybe, i'm just hoping. But...I need you so much. It must be weak to need someone so much, to rely so heavily. I'm nothing without you, God knew I couldn't handle intangible alone and sent you to me in His place to be my crutch. I'm sorry I need you so deeply. I don't need space, I need you.
0 common musings:
Post a Comment