When Did You...

...start to get so insensitive?

[all broken mirrors]
Honestly, I thought we were in this together. I thought we were never going to begrudge anything because best friends don't do that, right? So what made you change?

What made you start to be so nonchalant about my family ish? Are you tired of hearing it? If you were, well then maybe you should have stopped asking. If you didn't want me to say anymore, you shouldn't have gotten mad at me when I stopped telling you. What do you want from me? DO you still want me to tell you things because apparently when I stop, you get mad at me for not keeping you informed.

It's him, isn't it? That's what you have a problem with but you never say it directly. Well, what. I fully acknowledge that I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. What do you expect of me? What do you want of me? What do you ask? Do you ask that I admonish myself for your sake? Do you want me to sacrifice my happiness for yours? What a hypocrite you are then, always telling me to go after my own happiness and to say no to other people. Fancy that, you want me to say no to everyone but you. The truth is, I am finally happy. And for once, maybe just THIS once, I want to choose my own happiness instead of someone else's.

You know me, at least you should. It kills me on the inside having to hurt someone else by choosing over them; just thinking about it makes me sad. But this time, why am I not allowed to choose my happiness? ?I waited a good 16 years of being as selfless as I could, sometimes being told that I was too selfless. But you know what, none of those years bothered me. Now, maybe I think it's my turn to choose myself over you. I hope you understand and if you don't, I'm sorry.

Don't you understand how bad I have it right now?

No... This isn't me saying 'look at all the stuff i have to put up with...come mourn with me'

I am NOT asking for people to feel sorry for me, because I know too darn well that this is all MY FAULT anyways. Yes, I signed up for it all. I was just hoping for a little bit of understanding. I don't want to sound conceited, but I'm told that I'm pretty understanding. At least to the point where I don't really get mad. Why, then, why do you make me suffer like this? Why do you begrudge me for being busy? 

You have mood swings but I never call you out or put you on blast for it! Suicidal emo comments and text all the time. You make me feel guilty, overboard. Look, I get it...your life is tough. But so is mine! I'm sorry, but this is the one time I will assert myself. I am busy, too. 

I have 3 AP classes, on e-board for 3 of the most active clubs, in 2 academic societies, going to help in the diweekly writing lab, going to be a weekly confirmation aid, slym activities, 3 churches every Sunday, and the dual ownership system. I KNOW, this was all that I took on..but this is all in my life. So shut up and please stop blaming my boyfriend for taking all my time. You see this list ? THAT is what takes all my time. I am sick and tired of you guilt tripping me about him. It isn't him. Honestly, if you blame him, I'm sad you can't be happy for me. 

Right, breaks and lunch you see me with him or with a group of my friends. Shut up, honestly. If you don't want to go up to my friends and if you hate him, stop complaining. I don't want to deal with you anymore if you don't want to listen to me. It's hard enough and I don't need it. 

Mirror, you have no idea how hard it is right now. You have no idea how stressing it is right now with the academic pressure to keep that scholarship .And you have no idea what it's like at home. No one really does right now because I don't want to make anyone sad with it. But he asks me because he can tell I'm so bugged and he listens. I'm sorry each and every day for burdening him and I don't want to burden anyone else with my family ish. What good will it do? What good will knowing the details of every shouting match do? It doesn't do anything but make people sad and I don't want to make them sad. 

Don't tell me I am not talking. Right now, all I can really think about is family ish. And if i don't want to tell people and make them sad, well then i am not going to be talking at the moment. I wish you would understand. 

What's your ulterior motive anyways? Explain your freaking letter!